5 Star Boss Series: “You’re Such a Great Listener!”
Have you ever had a boss that really listened to you?
Chances are, if you did, that boss was your all time favorite.
Why does this matter, or should it matter, for any business? Because people who believe their bosses listen feel valued and connected to the organization. Companies spend millions of dollars every year on employee engagement surveys, and spend hours in meetings trying to brainstorm ways to make employees happier. Mostly what employees want are the simple things, like a boss who cares about their opinions.
I rarely meet a person who tells me that he or she is a bad listener. We think we’re pretty good at it. Yet our experience in the world proves otherwise. Most of us have only a few friends and colleagues who truly listen to us.
Some of us are autobiographical listeners. We don't necessarily listen with an open mind, let alone reply with one. How can we become a focused listener? What mental cues can we give ourselves to listen better? What should we be listening for?
Here are 6 tips that will change every single meeting you have with a colleague or employee.
- Value a "listening mindset." A listening mindset is one that values others and respects their opinions. What we're really talking about is how you "live" the golden rule -- to treat others as we want to be treated. All of us want other people to value our opinions and respect us as individuals. You earn that opportunity every day, by valuing and respecting others.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions. This is one of the most damaging things you can do to a relationship. Even if you think you've heard it before, you may be wrong. For example, if someone makes a mistake or you hear of a problem that involves them, invite them in and start by asking them this question: "What happened?" Then, allow them to explain. If you begin with a corrective message or assumption it was their fault, they will shut down. You haven't given them the opportunity to share what happened from their point of view. Never fall for the "first person in the door" routine -- in other words, don't assume the first person to complain has the correct perspective on the situation.
- Ask open-ended questions. This is the most important thing you can do when trying to sell or influence others. You must ask great questions and keep asking until you fully understand all aspects of their position. People are not interested in what you know until they see you're interested in what they know. Open ended questions allow you to become a person of influence, as you gather critical information that can help you find the win-win. In sales, an open ended question can lead to such a productive conversation that the prospect actually sells himself on working with you.
- Stop multi-tasking. Focused listening requires all of you. It is tempting to multi-task, especially if you are talking with someone on the phone. I once had a client who used to check email while on long conference calls with her sales team. The outcome was she was not fully present, and they knew it, so they kept talking, hoping to win her over. And, as she tried to write while listening, her emails also suffered. When she changed her approach, and did one task at a time she dramatically cut down the length of her calls, which gave her more time to manage her email.
- Balance confidence with humility. What makes a focused listener stand out is the fact that they don't believe they have all the answers. They are willing to admit that their experiences are important, but that no one has a corner on the "truth." Humility is a very fine quality in a person, especially when you balance it with the confidence of experience. Every great leader I've ever worked with has a nice balance of these two qualities.
- Listen with all of you. We often hear the advice to fully focus on people, to look them in the eye, open up our arms and use relaxed body language. What you may not know is that this is not just for the benefit of the person who is speaking. It's for your own benefit, too. When you look people in the eye, and open up your body language, you are giving your own brain a cue to stay focused and to be open to what they have to say. It is so much easier to listen in a focused way when you physically "listen," too.