Press Room
FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE:
DEALING WITH MIXED MESSAGES (AND VOICE MAILS) AT WORK
By Jonathan Bender
ONE evening, 28-year-old Andrew Veit, an assistant producer at a network news consortium, fired off an instant message to a co-worker about the managing editor's inability to man the city desk. "I looked over to my co-worker to see if she was laughing," he says.
"She didn't react at all. It was then that I knew I had sent the message to my boss by mistake."
Whoops! Veit used humor to hide the gaffe - a tactic that wouldn't work when he sent a snarky e-mail to his boss challenging his authority just six months later.
Ever wonder what to do when a message meant for your manager ends up in the voice mailbox of the co-worker you were venting about? It happens. And not even the H.R. department is immune from these types of mistakes.
Heather Mundell, 43, was a human resources administrator for an electronics sales company.
"I left a voice message for my boss, complaining about a sales manager, and I didn't hold back at all," she says. "When the sales manager called back later in the day, I knew that I had left the voice mail on his line by accident."
From blundered voice mails to botched memos, here's how to deal with the wacky world of corporate communications:
Who's the boss?
We've all said the wrong thing to the guy in charge. The question is what to do - instead of just giggling nervously or offering your resignation.
"You should say something like, 'I can promise you this it will never happen again.' Good managers will listen to criticism, even if it's delivered out of turn," says Kerry Patterson, co-author of "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High."
By admitting you're at fault, Patterson says you can then explore the truth behind your snide remark to your boss. Once you're talking about the issue, you can give specific examples and try to work toward a resolution. That was what Veit decided to do after his second unfortunate e-mail to the managing editor.
"I asked how we were supposed to respect the managerial skills of a boss who can't even spell manager correctly. I hit the reply button and instantly realized what I had done," says Veit.
But then he did something about it. Veit walked into his manager's office, closed the door and gave a simple and direct explanation. His boss had yet to read the e-mail. Hours later, Veit received a lighthearted missive thanking him for pointing out the errors.
"Venting is valuable," says Mimi Donaldson, co-author of "Negotiating for Dummies." "You have to decide when it's appropriate to speak up and when it's best to be quiet."
For example, don't challenge your boss in front of co-workers; it's more likely to put him or her on the defensive. Instead, find time over coffee or lunch, and start with a description of how you view the situation.
Mano a mano
Confrontations with co-workers can be even more personal than career- humbling moments with your boss. There's often no escape from an angry colleague looking to vent his frustration on you. Mundell felt her ears redden when she answered the telephone one afternoon, and learned a lesson about leaving insulting voice-mail messages.
As she listened to the offended sales manager repeat her words back to her, she began to question her own behavior in the office. Just three hours earlier, she had been in great spirits, relaying the sales manager's faults and joking about his incompetence to the head of Human Resources - or so she thought.
Instead, it was the sales manager - and he was on the line doing an uncanny job of re-enacting her diatribe.
"I was silent. Having this part of me revealed in a way that I had not planned was horrifying," says Mundell. As an administrator, she was supposed to be a neutral advocate for all employees. Instead, she was having her credibility called into question by the person she thought of as a joke. But she did the right thing: She apologized immediately.
"Acknowledge that you've screwed up, and ask for forgiveness," says Francie Dalton, president of management consulting firm Dalton Alliances.
"It's so human and so universal. When you ask authentically, the barriers come down."
The sales manager accepted Mundell's apology - and the written note she penned to reiterate how badly she felt. As a result, the colleague that she derided never revealed her faux pas.
"He was very gracious. He didn't take the opportunity to cut me down," says Mundell. "You think you know people, but they can surprise you pleasantly."
The write stuff
Repeat after me: I will not criticize a co-worker in e-mail or voice mail. This is one of the first lessons that Mundell now teaches to her clients as a career coach.
But this doesn't tell you what you should write in corporate communications. Always start strong, advise the experts.
"Make sure your subject line has the key message. In e-mail, people are not going to read down," says Deborah Dumaine, author of "Write to the Top."
And always be careful of offering "Free Bacon."
This was the title of an e-mail that was waiting for 30-year-old Chris Porter one day when he returned from lunch. The sender was a co-worker, a vegetarian who had accidentally received a sandwich with bacon from a local deli.
Her e-mail received no takers - only snickering and snide remarks behind her back.
You might think it's cute to title an e-mail "Free Pizza!" and then ask for a report. But it can quickly make you the punch line of office jokes.
"It works once, and then it's the boy that cried wolf. It's phony and it's what spammers do," says Dumaine. Instead, she suggests using direct, to-the-point titles for e-mails like "suggested deadline" or "action requested."
Watch your tone while dialing
You don't just sit in an office typing all day; you're also going to have to pick up a phone. Here's how to avoid putting your loafer in your mouth. First, always remember that the person on the other end of the line is likely very different from you. Your manner on the phone needs to meet the expectations of both your customers and co-workers.
"Listen to what is said; listen to the rumors or gossip," says Janice Kelly, an assistant professor of communication at Marymount Manhattan College.
"These are the ways to learn and communicate about the corporation and the culture."
Keep an eye on the tone and nature of conversations during conference or sales calls. You'll catch on quickly to the balance of personal and professional interaction expected in your office. In the beginning, always play it close to the vest when you're dialing a new contact, and avoid any controversial humor. And never dial angry, says Patterson.
"When we're upset, we prepare for an attack of a saber-toothed tiger. You need to step back and let the adrenaline dissipate from your body. Avoid your grandma's advice, and go to bed angry," says Patterson.
Otherwise, you'll say something you regret in the heat of the moment. The phone lends a sense of anonymity that can make co-workers seek confrontation. Regardless of whether you work in a hedge fund or as a hedge trimmer, avoid directing criticism toward a co-worker on the phone.
"The issue for many people, women in particular, is getting too emotional. They see themselves embedded in the task," says Kelly. "If you're getting criticisms and being critiqued, remember it's the job, it's not you."
Avoid the Bored Room
NO beast is harder to tame than the corporate meeting. Armed with only PowerPoint slides and Excel spreadsheets, we've all sweated through tense moments in the conference room. Suzanne Bates, executive coach and author of "Speak Like a CEO: Secrets for Commanding Attention and Getting Results," has some tips to help you unlock your hidden Tony Robbins.
Set Your Agenda "If you want to be seen as a leader, you need to look at the agenda beforehand and see what ideas you can bring. After you come up with an idea, write it out and practice saying it out loud."
Slide into Success "Slides are an accompaniment; they should never the main presentation. Also, never hide behind a podium - the closer and less encumbered you can be, the better your connection with the audience."
Timing Is Everything "Make eye contact with the people who are smiling at you. Audiences want you to succeed; they're rooting for you. Look at your notes to give yourself small breaks."
The Right Answer "Never make it up. Say 'I'm not sure, but I'll get back to you' or refer the question to another team member. If you make up the answer and are wrong, you'll lose all credibility."
What's Your Ceiling? "We all rise to a certain level because of technical and business skills. Everyone hits a ceiling, and there's no way to predict where that is. Your ability to speak effectively and communicate should be your top priority because it will lead to faster promotion and help you break through that ceiling."